Job: BT Director

Pay: Whatever you want (performance related: the worse you perform, the more you get paid. Increased yearly, sometimes more often. Currently, growing in inverse proportion to BT profit)

Bonuses: Company cars, golden handshakes, share options, bonuses of many different types, free foreign holidays, friendship with corrupt government officials which will bring many secret benefits, anything else you want.

Skills Required: Must be evasive, dishonest, greedy, arrogant. Must have highly ineffectual managerial skills, a sound ability to fire lots of staff cheaply, a strong ability to extract as much profit from a poor product as is possible. Must have a strong belief that investment is money wasted. The essential attribute of having complete disregard for others is crucial to the life of a senior BT manager.

Holidays: As many as you want, for as long as you want

Rights: You may do whatever you want within the company

Responsibilities: These have all been delegated to junior members of staff, so that you can fire someone when something goes wrong. You don’t have any real responsibilities.

Length of appointment: As long as you want. Grows in inverse proportion to length of staff contracts, as does salary.